Till it stops.

A date under the stars

2012-01-30T22:38:00.003+08:00

Of midnight talks, creepy road ride, freaky construction site, silence and fireworks.

I enjoyed my time with you little brother.

See you in 9 month's time.

Take triple good care of yourself. =)

So going to miss you.

What's your wish?

2012-01-27T00:56:00.005+08:00

Played Guang Ming lantern for the very first time.

Didn't know what to write since i do not want to be too holy and what nots and finally, this is what i came up with. Not too brilliant but i thought it was acceptable.

Every girls' childhood dream, probably.

"I want to finish my degree and marry a rich husband! <3 =p

P/s: Handsome! -KL-"

Thoughts

2012-01-25T00:37:00.005+08:00

I came to a conclusion that not regretting doesn't mean that you're not sorry. It doesn't mean that you do not have a good conscience on the inside, that there's no morality or principles or that you've not learnt the lesson. Most important of all, it doesn't mean that you've not moved at all from where you were. It took me years to think about this because i was feeling so horrible beyond the description of my vocabulary. It became such an issue because i thought that i've not admitted that i did wrong.

Then i realised that when you don't regret, it proves something more. You've cherished the joy, accepted the pain and acquired the experience. You've accepted reality. The reality that it's time to move on because there is no way you can change a thing of what had happened. Let the bygones be bygones. It is not supposed to hinder what is coming but instead be used as a platform or as a tool to take on what's next. Like i said, it's not that i'm not sorry. I truly am, for hurting so many people around me. We all made wrong choices and decisions in life and we have to be ready to face the consequences no matter what the outcome is and i've encountered mine.

I am more than convinced now that if i were to relive my life, i would take on the same path and walk through the same journey. Some might think that why do you have to go through all those pain and hurt again, but they have forgotten that there has to be a reason why those things made you smile. Even if it's for the wrong reason, that's how you know that it's wrong. Whatever that makes me vulnerable in the past, will make me stronger in the future.

You don't have to agree with me because i'm not seeking for your approval. One day, i might not even agree with myself when i read back all these posts but it doesn't matter. I just want to know that at this age and season of my life, that's what i believe in be it right or wrong.

Signed and sealed.

Xing Nien Kuai Le

2012-01-24T01:14:00.006+08:00

Such joy to be able to come home for Chinese New Year! These fourteen weeks felt like forever.

Fell in love with his eyes.

Mei mei. <3

So they said that she look like me.

Yeah, she's my daughter actually, not.

Papercut

2012-01-15T01:22:00.001+08:00

Because growing up in age doesn't mean your maturity grows parallel with it. Afterall, i guess being twenty two is nothing. Really. All these unspoken thoughts, will be left as it is. It is so unnecessary when in the end, nobody really understands. This emotional roller coaster is not my ride. I think i end up in the wrong theme park that i'm expecting to be at. It will indeed sound cliche if i were to say "I didn't sign up for this." Truth is, how many of us actually signed up for the situation which we don't want to be in. Yet, when it hits, we will still have to overcome it.

Smile. For hope is not lost. There's more to life than all these things. Vindication is not now. All is well. Those broken pieces will find it's way back and be whole once again. Home, awaits me.

12-1-12

2012-01-12T22:53:00.002+08:00

So do i.

Good things come to those who wait.

I'll be patient for God's best.

For i know i'm in good hands and He's in control.

He's sovereign.

Introducing...

2012-01-12T16:56:00.002+08:00

Stacia.

Almost after a year i lost my phone in Miri during mission trip last year, i've finally managed to get something i like.

I've got something

2012-01-09T22:14:00.004+08:00

Would you answer when He calls?

2012:

Filled with passion

Serve with purpose

Run with a goal

Live with conviction

Finally, something to start with in this brand new year.

Bright and Shiny Day

2012-01-08T22:17:00.001+08:00

Culture shock #1
Feeling so tall while driving.

Culture shock #2
Dropped backwards in Hatten Square's parking.

Culture shock #3
Was so far away from the parking ticket machine dispenser. Had to open the door to get the ticket twice.

Culture shock #3
Opened the back door instead of the driver seat's door. ( Satria only has one door, so the first door you reach when you walk from behind the car... that's the driver's door.)

Today's such an awesome Sunday. Completely nothing to do except for the Creative Ministry meeting. Just touring around Malacca and getting all the stuffs which i need and have wanted to get for some time. Nike bag, should i get you? Hmmm.

Goodbye, my love

2012-01-06T21:50:00.009+08:00

My very first car after i got my driving license.

I started driving it since January of 2008 and now after four years, it's finally time to bid goodbye.

I know i've mistreated you but i've also always appreciate you for being so small but yet awesome.

I'm definitely going to miss you!

I know i'm blessed. Parents are surviving without a car now. They could have just take the waja and use it but instead, they chose to drive down the car for me. Everything's provided. Thanks Dad and Mum.

ROCk

2012-01-05T01:48:00.004+08:00

Rhythms of Christmas 2 is finally over! As much as i'm glad that after 13 weeks of hard work it finally ended in two nights, i know i'll miss it too. I've learned and gained the experience i wanted to have. Working backstage is not an easy job. We the props team have concluded that we need to have a big heart in order to keep ourselves motivated throughout the entire production.

It teaches me how to stretch my faith. How to give in and accept orders when on the inside, you just feel like killing others. How to do what is required eventhough it doesn't make sense. How to be patient when someone asked you to change something that you've spent so much effort on it. How to persevere even when you're just hanging by a thread. How to still function when you're at the brink of calling it quits.

I think everybody did their best for God and we managed to finish the race! Kudos to all!

"More of You, less of me."

ETH: 13 days

How's January?

2011-12-30T00:27:00.005+08:00

New year is just two days away!

1st - ROC practice from 3pm till 12am

2nd - ROC practice (tentative)

3rd - ROC Day 1

4th - ROC Day 2

5th - Midterm for Power Technology

- Lab for Knowledge System and Neural Computing

- Lab report dateline for Power Technology

6th - Assignment dateline for Knowledge System and Neural Computing

- Assignment dateline for Digital Signal Processing

That's how i'm going to rock 2012, yo!

ETH: 20 days

Christmas This Year

2011-12-27T23:38:00.006+08:00

Guess what, i've not done my Christmas shopping yet! I know i'm extremely late and by the time i do, the mood will probably be over but i just can't find the time before the day itself and even after the day, i can't find the mood. I need to get this done as soon as possible!

Christmas this year was okay. Busy as usual before the day itself and having classes during this festive season is not helping at all. Was rushing for midterms, lab reports and videos. While i was doing this year's video, i actually loop in a very special video by Simple Christmas about what Christmas is not. As i was watching that for gazillion times while editing, i realised that i'm doing just that. Christmas time is always busy as ever. Honestly, i don't think there's even enough time to just pause and appreciate God's greatest gift for mankind. But then again, if many others are blessed and they are able to see that Christmas is about God's miracle and the spirit of giving, the sacrifices of few are nothing. I think it's worth it.

Yes, indeed. Spirit of excellence. If you're not going to give it your best, then why waste time and energy to do something that you're not going to be happy with at the end of it? Might as well not do it from the very beginning. I don't know about you, but whenever i know i can't or i'm not giving my best for something, it really frustrates me.

My Christmas was filled with food. Barbeque Steamboat, Maggi Mee, Japanese Food, Nasi Lemak and Nyonya Kuih. So they say, if there's no food, there's no fellowship. What?! But it's good stuff. Anyways, i pakai dress for the very first time in Malacca. Haha. It's about time.

ETH: 22 days

Don't you know it's as sharp as sword?

2011-12-21T21:12:00.003+08:00

Was so affected by some words today which i know i shouldn't. I still got to say this though. Just because you don't see whatever that i'm doing, it doesn't mean i'm not doing anything or unwilling to help. I'm not even asking you to see how much energy and effort i've put into doing something. Rather, i'm just wishing that you would do something much simpler. Don't judge me, because you have absolutely no right to do so. Gah.

;)

2011-12-21T11:22:00.004+08:00

Miss them both. ETH: 28 days

A month or so

2011-12-17T01:54:00.001+08:00

The most busy week is over. I think i screwed up all my midterms. Oh well. Part of life and i gotta work really hard during finals then. Things definitely don't get easier. Everyone's saying just do your best. But what if best just wasn't enough? So, does that proves that i'm dumb? Lolz. Proven long time ago, anyways. The Crumpler should be in Penang right now. Can't wait to get my hands on it.

Gonna start learning something with the crazy woman opposite my room. Not sure if we will make it but we're going to try anyway. I shall reveal what it is when the time is right or when we've decided to continue on with it. This has got to be something i'm looking forward to next week.

Christmas in a week! Have not went Christmas shopping yet. Ahhh, another headache to think what to get for loved ones. Of course, they're worth the pain. Haha. Actually, i think next week will be a busier week instead. Year ends are always like this. Tsk tsk.

Waiting for ptptn to come. What Ps Alex said during the Campus Party few months back is so true. Students technically spent their ptptn on gadgets. It's like as if we don't have to pay back. Another lecturer said in class yesterday that we skipped our classes because we are not paying and that we don't feel the pinch of how much it costs for tuition fees because it comes from our parents. I thinks he needs to make a correction because for most of us, tuition fees come from the government and yes, we have to pay back when we work. Not our parents. But problem is, we still don't feel the pinch. Haha.

Estimated time to home (ETH): 33 days

Trail of thoughts

2011-12-08T10:36:00.009+08:00

We all think that we are okay. We think that it did not and will not affect us. In retrospect, we are so foolishly living in our own world of lies just to protect ourselves.To protect our hearts, emotions and most of all, suppressing the hurt. We do not want to be vulnerable infront of others because in this world system that we're living in, being vulnerable is no less than being weak. Who wants to be weak when what everybody else wanted is to be strong? Yet, i've come to realised that pushing it aside surely does not make it go away. It's like keeping a storage box at the far end corner of a storeroom. We stack things over it, covering and blocking it, making it hidden from our line of sight. However, it doesn't mean that the box is not there just because we do not see it when we open up the door. Reality is that, it still is. Whether we like it or not, it's still taking up space no matter how long it has passed.

It may seemed like an unending fight for everyday we battle within ourselves to make the right decisions. The entity of being right is so subjective these days that we ended up being even more confused. It appears as though everyone has their own definition of being right and wrong. Only the One who created the heaven and earth knows exactly what is right and wrong. He knows the blueprint of every minute detail. Those which have not been altered by men. When He created us, all those stuffs that are in us right now, at this moment was maybe not meant to be there but along the way, we chose the path which eventually leads us to where we are today. We were created to be whole in Him. It's not through things which have the resemblance of Him.

One day, i'll relive those memories and i know i'll walk out of it victoriously because i have Jesus to pick up my heart and help me through. One day, someday. As for now, i'm just thankful that when i reflect upon my life, i know that He is as faithful as always. When i'm down, broken and shattered, i know i don't have to act like i'm strong enough infront of Him because He is strong enough for me. And that, is all i need to know.

Because years dont turn back

2011-12-07T10:02:00.003+08:00

Two midterms over, two assignments handed in. Three more midterms, two assignments and another lab next week. December used to be the holiday month, what happened?

Mr. Satria is currently recuperating in the workshop. :) It's back to life without a car. If only i know how to ride a bike. Vespa! So old school but yet awesome at the same time.

"You're old enough to know that you shouldn't, yet young enough to try."

Will you choose to give in to what you know or to risk it all and not regret not trying?

Like an arrow, You've spoke right through my heart. Yes, i probably gotta stop.

It's okay

2011-12-02T00:06:00.000+08:00

For the past 3 weekends, i just felt like i don't belong here.

It's happening again.

Recovery is harder than you thought it would be.

I live in my area of proximity.

They will eventually hurt or leave.

Rebellious is my middle name.

That's how i roll.

Alexythimia.

Hopeless, but hoping.

I'm sorry that i have to hurt you.

It's better now than later, trust me.

You have no clue, so do i.

Do you believe in a parallel universe?

2011-11-27T01:37:00.005+08:00

It's a pretty good question. We all have our own fantasies. There are times in life which we wished that what we see and feel might not be real, that there might be another better alternative somewhere. A parallel universe, perhaps? You're the apple of my eye. I think i prefer the chinese name of the movie compared to the english translation. The movie definitely had a lot of us being able to identify with those high school moments in life. Taking us into a tunnel of memories back into our naive and probably rebellious teenage years.

I think i need to learn how to close my mouth when i'm not talking or eating. Too much air is going inside and i feel so uncomfortable everytime after meals. :/

Why are you so expensive?

Not even sure if you're worth it for such a price.

Anyway, thank God that December is finally here! For some unknown reason, November felt like forever. We're now down to our last 31 days of year 2011.

Sunrise

2011-11-22T21:32:00.004+08:00

I guess i was wrong thinking that this would be difficult.

It was rather complicated but definitely not as bad as i thought it would be.

I've finally managed to put a dot and move on to the next page.

Yes, someday, i'll find someone special again. =)

About a month away!

2011-11-20T13:10:00.006+08:00

Wanting to gear myself up in a Christmas mood, spent some time searching for some good Christmas album. Can't stand the same old Christmas songs from the online radio. Finally, managed to download Justin Bieber's Under the Mistletoe and Toby Mac's Christmas in Diverse City. Justin Bieber's album is not too bad but i think i heard 'mistletoe' in almost every song. Whereas, Toby Mac's album features some of the Diverse City members such as Leigh Nash, Owl City, Jamie Grace and etc. Gotta love the twist he put into this album which consists of the hip hop and pop groove. Something different! =)

My favourite. <3

I blog to express, not to impress

2011-11-17T20:46:00.010+08:00

Gastroscopy. It's crap. I would never ever want to do that again when i'm fully conscious. It freaking hurts like crazy. Traumatic experience which i do not wish to have if were to be given a chance to choose again. Definitely not good friends with physical pain since the day i was born. Just glad that it's all over now.

Sometimes what you think of your own, might even be wrong.

Although words can be nice to hear sometimes but all in all, it's the actions that will complete the meaning of those words. So, don't tell me something and then not doing anything to proof what you just said. I don't need words that carries no weight. At least not to me.

I know i can't expect you to be who you are not. Let's not waste time.

5 midterms, 3 assignments and 2 labs coming up.
Tell me about it.

So sick... :(

2011-11-14T19:19:00.001+08:00

Okay, one of the worst thing when i fall sick is this... I sleep, sleep and sleep. I slept the whole saturday. Only wake up to eat, take med and bathe. Wasted so much time! I know i needed the rest but still, knowing that i've not done anything productive is just sad.

Gotta gear up and start studying. It's week 5 and i'm completely lost in class already. Committed to ROC and gotta prove that with commitments like that, studies will still have to be maintained. Tough job but certainly not impossible. And whenever we're doing things for God, somehow there's always many unwanted things happening around. We gotta know who and why we're doing it for. If we allow bitterness, hurt and anger (which is quite likely to occur when we work with ppl), to manipulate our ultimate purpose, then we're in danger. That's why we're always reminded to check our hearts each week. :)

Busy time ahead till next year. Go, go, go!

So many ones

2011-11-10T22:57:00.003+08:00

I think i can never keep my hair long. When it reaches a certain length like now, i feel like cutting it. I kinda like this hair length in the picture above. Ahhh, i wanna cut my hair!

Okay, so i've finally typed and sent it. Let's see what's next. Because honestly, i don't know what's next. There's a book that says it will be like a journey similar to the Israelites during their exile. Leaving Egypt, in the wilderness and into the promised land. So true. Good illustration. Hopefully, i'll get to check it out soon.

Finally, finished the book.

A pretty good book to challenge you to the next level. Not focus on what you can or cannot do, but trust in the One who created you and who is going to enable you when He has called you.

What a day

2011-11-08T19:41:00.004+08:00

So happening today back at home in Penang. The whole piece of glass door for the shower place (something similar to the picture above) broke and shattered. So much about broken and shattered heart in the previous post. Dad and niece was sent to hospital. Outpatient treatment for minor cuts on niece's head and deep cut on dad's finger. Domestic accidents, do happen.

Unwell

2011-11-06T21:30:00.001+08:00

You start to think. And when the brains get started, it always seems like it's not going to stop. They talk, you listen. Yet, listening itself brings back all these emotions. Many people say that you can't move forward if you stay in the past. What if you're neither in the past nor in the future? It might be the present. But the present itself has to originate from somewhere and leading to the next. You're just somewhere in between the lines. Feeling so insecure because you know that you're still as vulnerable as ever. As much as you don't want to be, it's not gone just yet. You know very well, what it's going to take. Are you prepared? Are you ready? To step into the unknown, to venture into another turmoil.

Maybe it's true that to overcome a fear, you've got to take the initiative. You've got to dare to face the fear. You've got to be strong enough to face what's coming.

To all the people who are feeling so broken inside, don't do it alone. You don't have to face it alone. There's someone who is greater, powerful and loves you more than you can ever imagine who is willing to help you. He is more than able, but if only you are willing. It takes only the willingness of your broken and shattered heart. If only we all could see this, maybe we do not have to be broken afterall. There's hope... Believe, that there's always a hope.

Real Steel

2011-11-03T11:33:00.001+08:00

This might be late but i still think it's worth a mention. I like the movie because it is one of those few rare movies which will blow your mind off yet you know that it is possible to turn into reality someday. It's technologically achievable. And ever wonder why a smaller robot can win a much bigger and better equipped robot, besides the theory of David and Goliath? Zeus is programmed to study the opponents moves and then reprogrammed itself based on the opponents weaknesses and strengths. On the other hand, Atom has no such capability but when it's in shadow sensor mode, it doesn't move according to any programs but it just follows the movements of Charlie. Hence, Zeus is unable to read Atom's pattern of movements and it cannot reprogrammed itself because it is not possible for it to know what is Charlie's next move. That, is also one of the flaws of artificial intelligence which proves that robots cannot replace humans in the sense of thinking and emotions.

27.10.11

2011-10-27T23:13:00.001+08:00

Skyping with eldest sister and the first thing she told me after two weeks was, "You're fat! You put on weight?" Haha. Oh, the joy of constantly having ppl around you who are so supportive in a different way. *think positive* Then, she was like asking me how come i only managed to pass my subjects and not ace it and how she was telling my mum about how unfair mum is during her uni years because mum accepts nothing less than A. Guess what mum replied? "Engineering is much more difficult than your business la. Can pass then good already." Gotta love my mum! Haha. In your face.

Spent so much time waiting for people lately. It's really getting on my nerves that why can't ppl be punctual? If you're late for a good reason, that's still fine. Some ppl have no reason or whatsoever at all. Then what is the point of having an 'appointment' when you don't turn up at the appointed time? It just defeats the purpose. If one day, we have an appointment and i turn up late with no reason to give you, do know that i've already gave up on you. Cheers.

Things are complicated. Not that complicated but quite complicated. Haha. How now, brown cow?

Wow

2011-10-26T02:07:00.000+08:00

You.Were.Made.For.More.

Love Came Down- Brian Johnson

2011-10-26T01:47:00.003+08:00

Lifelong process:-

8 a.m.

2011-10-23T08:38:00.004+08:00

Woke up superb early on a Sunday morning just to have some me time. I'm like having this crazy schedule almost everyday. I was so wrong thinking that being in the props team will make my life easier but all's still good. ROC is earlier this year, therefore it's a whole lot better.

First week of the sem has passed. Overall, i think i quite like most of my lecturers this sem. Good lecturers do make a huge difference in the interest of students toward a subject. Am liking the size of the smaller classes too, that feeling of extra motivation to study.

Beach.Footprints.Not alone. & Eagle.Soaring.Under cover. & Dark box.Small.Flame.

I miss home, already.

....

2011-10-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

Vague.

Hello Delta

2011-10-16T13:17:00.004+08:00

Just finished scrubbing two toilets. If my mum knows this, she would be so proud of me! =) Printed notes for the first day of class tomorrow. This sem, got to work even harder. Guess hard just wasn't enough. Bleh. Messaged my dad at midnight to tell him my results and was emo-ing to him. Mum actually called the next day and told me it's okay, as long as i've tried my best and there's always next time. At least i passed all. Haha. I should really stop emoing about this nonsense.

Intensive week

2011-10-13T17:35:00.005+08:00

I'm so freaking tired. Reached Malacca on wednesday, had lunch and off to ROC practice. Came home in the evening, shower, dinner and off to church. Today, ROC till afternoon, came home and finally managed to unpack, did laundry, cleaned the room, shower, dinner, rested a lil and off to ROC again. Ahhh. I've been sweating like crazy too. I guess it made up for the lack of time to go workout. We spent two days to build the frame of a prop. God is a God of details! =)

A young 20-year old guy passed away today. I used to train and play bowling with him. So shocked to see the news about his death on facebook. Sigh. Life's short. Oh, and i have about 3 bucks left in my phone credit. It's been quite some time i've left so little in the phone. And by tomorrow, i'll be able to know whether if i'm getting a new phone or not. I kicked the foldable table and it fell on my toe. Kudos! Everything is not exactly related but...it's okay.

Till we meet again, next year

2011-10-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

First medical checkup.

I think this trip back home was pretty fruitful. Did quite a number of things which i've wanted to do out of my to-do list. Still a couple of things which i've not get yet from my to-get list but i shall just wait for the right time. Of course, i also met up with many of you wonderful people who matters. I managed to do 8 this time.

ROC practice starts tomorrow, at least for a few others and myself who had a little longer holiday compared to others who are involved. Looking at the list of props we need to find or build, it looks challenging but challenging stuffs are always interesting. First time being in the props team and i'm pretty excited.

I babysitted Janelle today. So proud of myself. =)

9.10.11

2011-10-09T21:38:00.003+08:00

Second gym workout session today. More intensive for the lower part of the body since i can't do much with my arm in this condition. It's gonna be killing tomorrow when i wake up. Gotta continue this when i get back to Malacca. Ahhh, two more days till i'm back. Not sure if i'm happy or sad. It'll be a long time till i come home again. But it's the first time that i actually feel good about going back to Malacca. Hmm hmm.

After dinner just now, i got a shocked of my life. Isabelle was holding on to my hand as we walked out of the eating place to the car. Suddenly, she just pulled her hand away and ran out to the road towards the car which is parked right opposite the shop. I promised, my heart literally skipped a beat. I also rushed out to carry her and my sister was standing beside the car laughing. Cool right? Thank God that there were no cars! Not to mention, it was at a cornering which drivers won't be able to see her if they were to come in that direction. My sister said, she's providing me good and free training. I wanna faint.

I'm still thinking very hard, a phone or a camera? Another tough decision in life. Haha.

Round 2.0

2011-10-06T00:37:00.002+08:00

Visited Absolute Fitness in Queensbay. Soon brought me in. I like the environment there. It's so nice. So motivated to join a gym when i get back to Malacca but gyms there doesn't seem to have environments like these.

My left hand is cacated. No strength to lift up the weights at all. I need to start proclaim healing over it. I cannot accept my arm's like this because of water slide. The reason is too dumb. Haha. Was brought to some chinese medicine fella again and was wrapped up, again.

The affair

2011-10-06T00:02:00.001+08:00

How i wished that it would have been longer. Good times.

24 months

2011-10-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

Tonight's message- Increasing Your Hope in God. Maybe, it's worth a second thought before the decision is made. Looking forward to this coming Tuesday till Wednesday. Hopefully, i'll be able to find the answers that will fill in the blanks. Impossible doesn't exist in God's dictionary. Impossible.....I'm possible. It depend's how you look at it. Like what the preacher said, why do the newscaster always says that tomorrow's weather will be 'partly cloudy' instead of saying 'mostly sunny'. We tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive.

I grew up telling my parents, "You don't understand." whenever i'm too tired to explain things or to answer their questions. I realised, even up till now... i still do the same.

Janelle

2011-09-29T23:23:00.001+08:00

Said "Hi" to her for the very first time tonight. :) That's the cheeky face! Her hair looks like mine when i was young. Mum said mine was more dramatic. Haha.

Exam blues

2011-09-25T01:20:00.003+08:00

When i'm unable, God is able.

That's the only thing i'm holding onto right now.

So gonna crash after Wednesday. Going to go back to the real home and sleep till i puas. Gonna ask my parents to not wake me up unless there's earthquake or fire.

If only, i could care less. If only.

Rayz

2011-09-23T22:24:00.000+08:00

Xperia Ray, why you so expensive?

Sigh

2011-09-22T02:00:00.004+08:00

So near yet so far. Almost made it to Taiwan with family but the flight from Penang to Kota Kinabalu is too expensive. Then, almost made it to Phuket with the gang but the dates are not suitable as it will fall on exam season. So all plans are cancelled. The only hopeful ones left are Singapore this Dec followed by Langkawi and Redang in Feb and May next year. =)

Sis wants to get iphone5! Argghhh. Jealous. I have a paper at 8pm and she called me up in the afternoon to discuss about Taiwan trip, new phone, her daughters and life. Oh, and did i mentioned that i finished the whole drama series of Lives of Omission which has 30 episodes? So cool right? Macam takda paper to sit for. Well, two down and four more to go. I hate it that i have so many papers but to think that life is easier when i'm in third and fourth year makes it all worth it. Life during exam season, sleep more, play more and waste more time. I wonder where and when does "studying" fits in.

Currently at chapter 1.5/6 as of 2am, paper at 2.30pm esok. My goodnesss.

Sunway Lagoon!

2011-09-18T17:31:00.003+08:00

This semester felt like a breakthrough sem for me. Everytime when it's near to exam, i'm off to somewhere else instead of staying home to study. Well, breakthrough or not will have to depend whether if i'm able to pull through finals.

Had a superb awesome time with the gang in Sunway! What a way to celebrate our 21st. Screamed our lungs out in the Scream Park, attempting to drown each other, hugging one another for dear life, chilling and catching up. Time passed by so slow on that day but it was just what we all needed. Love you guys la. Don't know how to tell you that i really love you anymore. 14 years weihhh. I don't know how many more 14s we will have but to have come this far, it already is a miracle. It's something which many others might not have in their lifetime.

Only one setback that is, we lost part of the pictures we took. :'(

I wasn't carrying her actually. My arm wouldn't allow me to do so.

It's exactly three weeks since i hurt my left arm and it's still hurting. Sigh. I wonder when will it heal and i'll be able to experience it's full strength once again.

Twenty-one

2011-09-15T00:00:00.001+08:00

Finally, an adult. The much awaited moment all this while but not so now.

21 years ago, i was born and was given the identity which people around me know me for who i am today. I was weighed and measured, given a name. I don't know who were there but i know who wasn't. It affected some of my life decisions but it doesn't matter anymore now.

It's not about me and never about me. It's about the Creator whom knew me even before He formed me in my mother's womb. Such a privileged to know that i am created in His image and that i'm fearfully and wonderfully made. I wouldn't even exist if it's not for Him. It's about my parents whom have raised me up, provided for my needs, never gave up on me and never ceased to scold and nag at me. It's about my two sisters whom have shown care to me in different ways which i might not have known and never bothered to find out anyway just because i always think that i deserve it as i'm the youngest. It's about my grandma whom have protected me, guided me and taught me the values and principles in life. It's about my mentor whom always reminds me that she'll walk through life's journey with me and that i'm not alone. It's about friends that i grew up with who will stand and support me through thick and thin. It's about friends who reminds me that i'm always loved and believes in me.

If you're reading this, i just want to let you know that my life, this twenty one years of journey is made up of you. I wouldn't be me if it's not for you. I couldn't thank God enough for you because nothing is by coincidence. Every hello and every goodbye, is a divine appointment. I believe everything happens for a reason and i still do. So you guys, i just wanna shout out loud "I love you!" Today is truly just another ordinary day, but it's special to me because... you've made it so.

Listen

2011-09-13T01:53:00.003+08:00

I can play Lin Jun Jie's latest album She Say for the whole day and not get bored of it although i do not have a single idea what is he singing in those deep mandarin words. It's just the melody. It's some sort of magic, not like i believe in magic, but yeah. Just to get the point across. It's not easy to find something that would stir up emotions like it does.

Sunway Lagoon this Malaysia Day! So excited yet so worried for exam. Can't wait to meet those crazy bunch but yet it also means that i'll have about two days less to study. I would have make it to Genting with them after that if it's not for exam. Craving for a haircut lately. Shall do it very soon!

Because breaking down is never the answer, but nonetheless, it's part of life's journey.

One week to go

2011-09-10T10:29:00.003+08:00

Been nerding for the past two weeks. Yet, i've been hk drama-ing as well. Stress. Well, at first it wasn't all that stressful since we've been through this for countless times in life. But yet when i start to see my midterm results, stress. Not that it wasn't good but more of that it is more than what i've expected. That thought of not being able to justify it in the finals is just not a very happy-fying thing to think about. Pessimistic i supposed but i really do not like to have my hopes high and working so hard and at the end of it, hope gets shattered. Especially when it comes to studies.

Five times of kl in a month. The most frequent trips to one of the busiest city in the world up to date. Anyway, there's not a need to comment or react to things which you have no control of. Especially, things which are not related to you. So it doesn't matter whether i accept whatever that's happening or not. It's not about me.

Managed to get my flight ticket home this end of the month. What a bliss!

Smurf-tastic!

2011-09-06T02:32:00.002+08:00

Felt like i shouldn't delay it anymore with the sudden swelling and blue black again. So woke up, drove to clinic and was referred to Pantai Hospital to get the x-ray done. Thanks Ame for accompanying. Went over and did the x-ray, took the film and went back to the clinic and waited so long that i was so famished. No bone fracture. Phewww. Thanks to the lots and lots of milk that i drank all these years i guess. Still have no idea why the internal bleeding only starts after a week. According to my sepcial biomed science student's explanation, the deeper the injury, the longer time it takes to appear and when it takes a longer time to appear, it also means it's more serious. Oh well, i just thank God that it's the left hand. If it's my right arm, it'll be worse than what i'm feeling now. And there's such thing called antibiotic cream. Like wow.

Anyways, Smurfs' so cute!! My first Smurf movie ever. Yeah, i probably don't have a childhood. Collected 4 smurfs toys from McDonald's. 6 more to go. Was elated when i found out that there's actually sound and light coming out from it! Teeheee.

Eeeek

2011-09-05T03:28:00.004+08:00

When you have guys in the house, it's just different. Of course, good guys to be exact. There's so many things which they have helped us out. Just so glad to have them around. This is the latest of all.

Poor rat. We don't know what to do with it so we just put it under a bucket and wait.

One down, many more to go.

Hello, September

2011-09-02T00:50:00.004+08:00

Had a great time during this holiday season in Malacca with an eventful lineup of programs. Checked myself in to my second home in Malacca and stayed for almost a week. Haha. Amazingly clear traffic in the city area except for a few places here and there.

Went to Melaka Wonderland theme park with the youths on Monday. First time there and the place is relatively small with only about 6 to 7 different stations. There weren't many people so we got to play a few times of everything. Played and shouted our hearts out like crazy. Came back with a bruised left elbow. Can't say that it's bruised but somehow it's just jutting out compared to the normal elbow on the right. On Tuesday, it was a zombie day. I was pretty much tired from all the energy exerted the day before. Was supposed to go to LCCT to send someone off but we ended up in KLIA instead. Managed to find our way to LCCT after asking a taxi driver. And on our Independence Day, traveled to Muar for a food hunt. 3 girls and we ordered up to 9 types of food. We managed to finish 3/4 of it though. Desperate need of GYM! Thursday was just lazing around Malacca town with a few friends from KL.

This is bitter sweet. It's going to be a difficult time when it all comes to an end but i guess for now, i'll choose to enjoy it. Creating more memories while I still can.

Through it all

2011-08-27T16:56:00.002+08:00

If that's what it takes.

If you're still wandering.

I most probably will.

Semangat

2011-08-26T04:05:00.006+08:00

I was supposed to be studying but i got so bored that i came up with a schedule for studying. Couldn't feel any smarter. Let's just hope that i'll stick to the plan this time. I always have a plan but keeping up with it is always a problem. Though, the last few times improvements have been made and implemented.

Can you see Sunway Lagoon in there? Teehee.

There's a desperate need to exercise. Like a jog, gym or something that will sweat it out. Feeling extremely unfit. At least a month has passed without working out. Played one game of bowling the other day and body was aching for a few days after that. My goodness. I need my mum to come tell me to go exercise because i'm so lazy. Yeah, she'll do that occasionally which is good when i need the push to stay healthy since i eat like a babi.

First thing first, gotta tune my biological clock once again. My irregular sleep patterns are killing me.

Ahhh, September coming! Wake Me Up When September Ends is playing in the background by Fly.fm right now.

Looking forward to this weekend and the don't-know-what-to-do short break. =)

Gah

2011-08-25T13:57:00.003+08:00

Emo.

I hate this feeling.

When you spend so much time, energy and effort into something but in the end it just can't work.

It makes me feel like, WHAT IS THE POINT?!

Midterm was like 8.83/10. One of the highest yet but no point, no point.

No point!

Kit Kat.... Later

2011-08-21T22:44:00.002+08:00

Tracting in a land i called my own is a pretty cool thing. I thought it was my first time in Malaysia, but as i was driving home, i had the time to think and... nah, this actually isn't the first time anymore. So forgetful at times till when you do almost the same thing once again and find that it feels like a dejavu. It was definitely another cool experience. I was giving out a flyer to an indian uncle with two little boys and was telling him that he can bring the two kids to the Kids Fun Time in church end of this month and there's lots of activities that's lined up for them. He was like, okay okay... so i can bring these two boys? And i said, of course. He asked if it was open to everybody and if he can just come on that day. I said yes. Then, as i was walking away from him.... i looked at the flyer and i saw that there's a need for registration. Lolz. Chased after the uncle and told him about it. He said he'll call to the church office. I do pray that he'll really call. That's the consequences of giving out something without reading it first. =/

It's Monday tomorrow! Just love my Mondays and Fridays. The feeling of being able to do things at my own pace is just too good. I've always thought that i'll wake up probably at 2pm since i do not have any classes but amazingly not. Among all the other days, these two days are the days which i always wake up the earliest. I am more motivated to have my free day compared to going to class. Ironic. Going to clean the house, clean my room and study tomorrow! Ahhh assignments and midterm. Busy week ahead but.... all is well. Believing for a great great week. =)

P/s: So glad to spend time alone with my gay partner. One of the few important people in my life. Just one call away, yo.

2011-08-19T23:35:00.004+08:00

It's really more than you think when life is not what you have imagined it to be. Not even sure where to start to think but whatever that needs to come to past, will come to past. One word; surreal.

More than you think

2011-08-18T01:00:00.004+08:00

My final decision: I'm not going home during the holidays at the end of this month. I have many reasons to go home. I miss home, i want to see Janelle, meet up with the gang, catch up with the England person whom i'm supposed to meet up with two months ago but had to give it a pass and i won't be seeing her till i-don't-know-when, talk with another person about something which is rather quite important. How ironic that one reason could defeat all the other reasons. I don't wanna go through the journey filled with congested traffic.

People whom are important to you will change according to seasons but yet those who managed to be in the circle at least once in your lifetime, will always have a special spot in your life. It's just something that's different about them no matter where life brings you or how people change. The moment you started talking to each other again, you know they were once special and they will still be even if it's not that much now. I've never been able to let go completely of someone whom i cared about. I wondered if it's even possible.

I'm glad that You've finally shown me what is my problem after two years. Now, it's time for me to learn to come to terms with it. Difficult i know, but not impossible.

Stupid mistake

2011-08-12T20:33:00.003+08:00

Can you differentiate the similarities and differences? Booked the wrong flight the first time. Haha. Oh well, wasted the money. But its okay, asalkan dapat balik rumah yo. =)

Just quite the opposite

2011-08-12T03:11:00.000+08:00

Everyone's different. What i think is suitable for me, you may not think it's right but its okay because what you think is suitable for you, i may not think that it's right either.

As relationship grows, we tend to take things for granted. We all started off by asking politely and being extremely shy. Multiple thank yous are sealed with it. Then we just ask with a 'please' and reply with a 'thank you' only when we remember about it. Next, a question slowly turns into a statement and finally, it turns into a command. The reason being, we're too comfortable with each other. What nonsense?

Mum's birthday today. Missed it again. :(
And the thought of me missing my own 21st at home is worse.
Think positive, it's okay. It's just another day. :)

He speaks

2011-08-07T23:30:00.006+08:00

Ever have the feeling where you know something is so wrong but yet, you don't know what is wrong? Just trapped in a state of helplessness. Nobody knows, including your very own. Only He knows, only..... He knows.

For your life, is not your own.

Finally, something to think about.

What if there's a bigger picture?

What if i'm missing out?

What if there's a greater purpose?

That i could be living right now,

I don't want to miss what matters,

I wanna be reaching out,

Show me the greater purpose,

So i can start living right now,

Outside of my own little world.

~ My Own Little World by Matthew West

Good news!

2011-08-05T14:34:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, PTPTN finally arrived after such a long time. The last time it came was exactly seven months ago on the 4th of January. I'm not only glad that the money had came so that i'll be able to pay up the tuition fees and have a little extra for living expenses, but i'm glad that i'm able to ease the burden of my parents for a couple of months. At least now, they don't have to worry about me. :) So, after almost two years which is six semesters, i've paid MMU... RM28,594. Hate might be a little too strong but i really dislike the feeling of having a debt. Not to mention, i've not even stepped into the working world and earn a living for myself. By the time i graduate, i'm starting with a big negative instead of a positive. Well, start small, aye?

Can't wait to meet up with F4s . Been a long time since all four of us could gather together. We always have the problem of meeting up in threes instead of fours due to our schedules. Now, finally everyone can make it. We broke our tradition last year. We will usually meet up on September 16th because it is our special day and so, we're making up for it. Also, since now that it's a national public holiday, hope this tradition will stay on. Teehee.

Blog posts have been very short lately due to the lack of words and practice to write.

Ogosss

2011-08-04T00:38:00.005+08:00

Few more days to go till the start of NECF 40- Day Fast & Pray. If you do not have the prayer booklet, you can always click on the hyperlink above to download the softcopy. I'm impressed that they even have the kids version. So, the Muslims started their fasting, the Buddhist are having their ghost month festival and we're definitely not left out. Battle of the heavenlies, yo.

Started playing Maple again in Facebook lately. Maple always bring me back to the high school years. How addicted i was to play for at the very least of two hours each day. But the most important of all, Maple reminds me of you. The very place where it all started. From a virtual world which turns into a reality. Really, how real. I've missed you, despite it all.

I'm in need of something exciting to look forward to. What's next? And by that, i mean non-academic related stuffs.

Out of line

2011-07-29T11:56:00.005+08:00

It's the season of assignments! This semester, it's officially my first practical assignment. I really, really thank God for a friend who knows how and what to do. The other two of us are just blur, blur and blur. What would i do without him? Haha. Had the time to look into the subjects of next semester and realised that there's a problem with my course structure. Gotta meet up with my academic advisor to rectify the problem. Or else, i've got to extend one semester. I am still wondering how the faculty can make a mistake like that. =.="

Randoms:

1) Mr. Popper's Penguins is so cuteeee and funny.

2) I still can't change in time from the chord G to Bm.

3) Seven months of the year 2011 has passed. Like, i thought yesterday was just... 1st of Jan?

4) My mum said that i should just go out and get food instead of trying to cook cause there's a very high possibility that i'll burn the house down. How encouraging.

5) Westlife is coming to Malaysia in October.

6) How i wish Malacca has some philharmonic orchestra like the PESSOC or MPO. Need a dose of that.

2011-07-26T00:25:00.002+08:00

We were all full of enery in the morning! :)
Can't say the same when we reached home though.
Fun times. And, i thank God for His grace that i'm finally done with the midterms. I'm not quite sure how did i fair but being able to go to KL the day before the most hectic day out of this tiring two weeks and being much more prepared than any other times, was definitely God's answer to my prayer.

First Attempt

2011-07-23T01:19:00.003+08:00

It's wonderful what Max can do with all the apps that are available. :) Life's exciting lately, there's always something new everyday. Got to remind myself to breathe sometimes. Nonetheless, it's a good moulding process to differentiate between the importance of meeting the needs and drawing the line. All is well. Looking forward to this Sunday. It's going to be a wonderful and fruitful time. Amazing and greater things!

Blast it out

2011-07-21T20:23:00.007+08:00

Oh yeah, baby! My first Altec Lansing.

After controlling my budget for a couple of weeks, spent the money for speakers, mouse and USB port extension. All the starving and eating at home finally paid off. Haha. Can't exactly say that it's paid off but i do need those stuffs.

Where have your dreams taken you lately?

2011-07-18T15:32:00.000+08:00

Something to ponder upon.

The wonders

2011-07-18T10:46:00.003+08:00

For the past two weeks or so, i've been on medication. It's not exactly medicine but it's a medicated nasal spray. Ever wondered what is the feeling of spraying something up your nostrils every morning? It's pretty cool except when it gets to the back of your throat and you'll be able to have a slight taste of the medicine. I guessed the RM169 is worth it, since there's no more sinus, no more ear problems and therefore leading to no more frustrations which are caused by it. So relief for the body but maybe not the pocket but erhhh, i would rather pay than to wake up every morning and feel like cursing the world for things which are not even their fault. Yes, it is that irritating.

I wanna go home. But, why no cheap flights Air Asia? So sad. I wanna go home and see the baby girl, carry her in my arms and yeah, it's cool to have something so fragile in our arms sometimes. Teaches us to not hold on so tightly and learn to let loose. Sigh Janelle, Janelle...when will i be able to meet you and give you a kiss? =(

Simple words of encouragement and reminder is good. It's always good. So that i'll not deviate from the plan and goal. Or, even if i do, i'll know how to come back and keep striving forward. Again, the little things in life. Loves.

And another random thought, i feel like the ability to handle stress comes with practice all the time. After a period of time of not having that pressure and stress in my life, i think i'm losing it. And, i don't think it's good. Hmmm. I just need to type this down to empty my brains for more space to input the notes i'm studying. Haha.

Half-time of July

2011-07-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

O.o"

2011-07-14T12:54:00.002+08:00

Just found out that i have 5 midterms instead of 4.

19th - Microcontroller & Microprocessor midterm

20th- Circuit Signals Lab

21st- Electromagnetic Theory midterm

22nd- Machine vision midterm

25th- Law for Engineers midterm, Microcontroller & Microprocessor lab, Circuit Signals midterm

KILL ME LA! Especially on 25th. My goodness.

The very least

2011-07-13T00:19:00.004+08:00

The event is finally over.

It's time to focus, as in focus and really really focus on studying. Four midterms coming up and they are all not very wide spread throughout the week. Bleh.

I had this interesting conversation with a friend.

Friend : I'm so angry with all that, that is happening.

Me : You mean, Malaysia and the Bersih thing?

Friend : Yeah, it's so ridiculous.

Me : It's okay, we'll soon be eligible to vote. We should go register after our birthdays. When is your birthday?

Friend : August. Yeah, i heard that they will tamper with those votes that are posted back.

Me : Yeah, heard about that too. I think we should all just fly back and vote.

Friend : Yes. I'm gonna just book a flight back to Sarawak.

It's great to know that another fellow 20-year old sees the importance of registering as a voter. Even if it costs us the money, the time and even if whoever we voted for didn't win, it's okay. At least in our conscience, we did the very least that we could do as citizens. Rather than just complaining while doing nothing at all to change the situation.

I'm supporting Bersih all the way! So many reasons to do so. Such as:

1. The 8 demands by Bersih is reasonable and appropriate for a clean election.

2. Not even politically driven. Bersih approached the government to join them but they did not respond while the opposition did. People then manipulate the whole situation and make it seems like it is.

3. It is our rights to have a peaceful demonstration under the federal constitution. It is an illegal gathering without a permit under the law but many do not know that under the law, peaceful demonstration is not illegal.

4. Bersih represents the rakyat for a clean and fair election. They stood up for democracy. Because there is no way the rakyat can have a goverment elected by the people if the election is one-sided. Malaysia can never be a truly democratic country like it claimed to be.

5. It is even more effective than the propaganda of 1Malaysia, in uniting all the races, from young to old and even to the other parts of the world where people will call themselves 'anak Malaysia'.

What a cause

2011-07-11T00:30:00.015+08:00

So much has happened for these past two days till the extend that i do not know where to start. Never have i imagined that things like that would happen to me but again, who would have guessed? It was a good experience, nonetheless. Out of fear, anxiety and humour, i've gained something more. It's going to the next level.

So thankful that the Bersih 2.0 rally on Saturday was a peaceful one. For those who are praying, it's not the time to stop praying just yet. It's only the beginning. We've got to continue to pray for our nation, our country and for our people. Some think that they do not want to get involve in all this that is going on but the future of this land lies on our cries and prayers to God to uphold our cause. Just saw a page in Facebook entitled Malaysian Lady of Liberty which really inspires me. A 65 year old aunty stood up for what she believes to be right and just. Braved through four times of tear gas and once the chemical water cannon. She could have just stayed home, enjoy her retirement, play with her grandkids and just enjoy life but no, she did something even greater. Whereas we who are much younger and stronger are so afraid. We stayed home, glued to twitter and waiting for the live news updates while some don't even bother. We lose hope for our nation but she stood on behalf of our generation and the future generations to come and still believing that someday, Malaysia would be a better place. Shame on us.

Just can't stop my tears from flowing after watching this video. Saw situations like these in many countries in the news channel but i just can't believe this.

THIS is happening in OUR LAND.

How long will you stay ignorant and oblivious?

Little one

2011-07-06T18:56:00.003+08:00

Janelle- God is gracious

Ong- Family name

Mae- Beautiful

Joy- Rejoice

Born at 11.17am, 6th of July 2011.

Weighs 3.21kg.

Now it all seems upside down

2011-07-03T01:49:00.002+08:00

Smile, again.

2011-06-29T00:08:00.006+08:00

Still the same blue sky,

I still... wish that i could fly,

Been awhile since the last goodbye.

Still the same cold air,

Oh how the wind runs through the hair,

Take me somewhere, take me there.

What happened to the pledge?

Moving from edge to edge,

Now, we're hanging by a thread.

Still the same blue sky,

Still the same cold air,

Still the same warm sun.

Fly away, be set free,

Just count one, two and three,

Tomorrow's a brand new lemon tree.

Just some mixed up thoughts which has to be penned down. It's funny how memories runs back to haunt you but past will be the past and nothing can change history. We only learn and take the lesson to move forward. Three and a half years had rolled away. Sometimes i seriously don't know how far have i walked away or did i not even move a step? I'm told time and again that i'm not alone, i know i'm not. However, i realised that there are some battle that only i alone can fight. Not sure about you, but there are nights where i just lay down on my bed and keep repeating to myself that i must not give up amidst all the excuses which i can come up with. It ain't easy. It wasn't even easy to begin with. How much more do we expect sometimes? Don't give up, don't quit. If you've come thus far, it will come to an end. I believe, it will.

Philippians 1:6- And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Chillax

2011-06-26T00:06:00.001+08:00

The wedding frenzy is finally over! The second one is known as the wedding of the year yo. Royal wedding of King Praggy and Princess Jasmine. So much tears (of joy). High heels can kill me and it's not helping when you have to wear it and carry a gazillion things with you. Walking all around, chasing after people to distribute the corsages and helping them to pin or tie it, searching for missing important people, carry all the gifts and bags and then walk down four floors, standing for hours and yet have to smile and worst of all is walking on tar road with full load of things in the hands. But, of course, it's all worth it for the lovely couple. Yay! =)

While we were having our Father's Day dinner, the whole family decided that i should miss my flight and extend my stay for another day. So, i did just that. So fun to have such harmonious decisions like that. Pampered? Not. Have to catch a bus back instead. It's good though since it'll provide me some time to do some reading. Have been so busy lately watching Hong Kong dramas and decorating my room. Finished Burning Flame 3 and now chasing another drama series called Born Rich. Tsk tsk. No time for video editing also. Okay, maybe not no time but i didn't make time for it. My bad.

P/s: Ate crab for 4 weeks in a row. I'm gonna walk like a crab soon.

Where my heart is

2011-06-19T23:50:00.004+08:00

Apabila mahu balik, tak dapat balik. Bila balik, balik dua minggu berturut-turut. But it's always good to be home although it's five hundred kilometers away. A friend of mine, Gaik Lyn posted this as her status in Facebook, "I think all Penangites have this thing. This love affair going on for our state. I think we're so damn proud of it. Cause there's so many reasons to be. And CAUSE WE CAAANN. :)" I couldn't agree more.

Wedding was cool. Small one compared to all the other cousin's wedding but i guess it was really meaningful for my uncle and aunt to finally see their first son marrying and starting a family on his own. Should be such a relief for them to see their son who is born deaf and with a hole in his heart. Can see such a joy in my uncle's eyes when he said that all these years of struggle had finally paid off. Joyous occasion much.

Just burnt my left hand with boiling water. T.T Blehhh. Pain like what only. Now it's all covered with Coldgate thanks to Miss Amelia's advise. Haha. We're going for the old-school. Hopefully it works.

Thus far

2011-06-09T17:34:00.007+08:00

The two weeks American adventure was extremely fun. It was definitely a good vacation and not to mention, a getaway. I really thank God that whenever i travel, i enjoy the journey as much as the destination. I know some people don't but that's not a problem for me. Infact, i like it as long as i'm prepared and ready for it. I get to see so many things in between which are not planned ahead and that makes things spontaneous and much more exciting.

While i was there, i managed to go to four states which are Arkansas, Florida, Louisiana and Tennessee and bypassed three other states which are Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. That sort of covers the southeastern states of America. I'm planning to do a video travelogue for this trip. It will be my first and i'm not sure how will it turn out. I guess i'll leave it for you guys to decide. This gives me a reason to learn After Effects after wanting to learn for such a long time. Finally, found my motivation to move ahead in video editing skills. That's if the camera memory card still works. Still have not found a card reader to test it out yet.

There's one thing that bothers me throughout the whole trip. I find it so freaky seeing how much my uncle resembles my mum. There are times which he talks exactly like my mum and it felt like i was talking to her. Literally, like a woman trapped in a man's body which in this case is my mum trapped in my uncle's body. And it amazes me because he left Malaysia long ago and he only comes back like 5 to 10 years once. The only way they communicate is through one of those occasional phone calls. Yet, they talk so alike. I would find it freaky if i talk like my sisters. And i'm thankful that we don't. We're from a different world and generation and we learned to live in harmony.

It feels so good to be home. A friend asked, "What's your plan for this semester?" Took me a few moments to think of the answer and finally i told him that my one and only plan is to improve my grades. I thank God that i've pulled through for the past five semesters. But honestly, pulling through is not what i really want. I want more and i know i've got to work harder to avoid being disappointed with myself time after time. So, please ask me to study. Haha.

2011-05-28T11:48:00.001+08:00

Greetings from Orlando, Florida.

The past few days did felt like a dream come true.
Absolutely loving my time here.

To start anew

2011-05-21T14:30:00.005+08:00

Nobody told me that shifting house can be so tiring. I only shifted my room instead of a house and i felt like i'm about to lose my life. Pampered? Well, maybe. Parents couldn't be bothered and i didn't asked anybody for help. So when you prefer to do something alone, it's suicide. Took me 3 rounds to bring almost everything over. Still one more round to go after the holidays. That was Friday. As for Saturday, cleaned my current room. As i was wiping the floor... (Yes, wiping. Some tradition passed down from my mum.) I felt like my back was going to break. I have no idea how my mother can do it for the whole house. Supermum. Just wanted to rant because i still feel like my back is going to break and i'm super tired. Liking the new room, gonna take me awhile to love it but let's just say i'll let the feelings develop naturally. =)

Embarking on an adventure this Sunday. Super cool, at least i thought. Travelling 10,868 miles away from a land i called my own. What makes it cooler? I'm going alone. Teehee. *runs back to the pail and cloth*

Simple, yet profound.

2011-05-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

& it spurs you on not just in life, beyond life.

7 days

2011-05-09T23:44:00.005+08:00

Back from a week of retreat in a 5-star hotel. Nice to get out of the room and being able to study somewhere else, somewhere bigger and more spacious. One thing i do know, internet is such a distraction. Although i felt like i'm so disconnected from the world for having no direct internet access for a week, it's good for the soul. Wasted less time. Even if i do waste my time, i think i wasted it in a way that gives the body sufficient rest, nonetheless, sleep. Conclusion is, so blessed and favoured. =)

In my attempt to freeze Mr. Sun, i tried eating ice cream under the scorching heat on Sunday afternoon. I was thinking, maybe i could reduce the heat by transferring some coldness from the ice cream to the sun. The effort was proven to be futile. Half of my ice cream melted away before i could even finish it. I think even the sweets "Halls" is not able to freeze the sun. That's if you remember the advertisement.

Anyway, the church van aka Godzilla broke down on Sunday afternoon. That explains why i was eating ice cream under the hot sun. And, it broke down in the middle of the road. Yes, i'm the driver. Haha. Thank God it was at some housing area. If it was in the main road, i'm gonna kill myself. Then, there's this smart driver from the opposite lane stopped right beside the van outside of a house. I have no idea why he can't stop further infront or something since he saw that the Godzilla is parked right in the middle of the road. I've got to go down and asked him to move his car to the front in mandarin. And my mandarin is so terrible that i actually asked him to "shift"(as in the carry it up and shift the car infront) instead of moving it. Right at that moment, another uncle came honking like crazy behind us. My bad. I couldn't find the emergency light but the van doors were all opened. Gotta apologize to him and he actually asked me to on the emergency light or put the triangle thing. I repeat, i couldn't find the emergency light! Godzilla deceived my eyes. Thank God for the youth guys that helped to push the van to the side of the road anyway. What an experience!

Short1

2011-05-03T22:46:00.004+08:00

In my attempt to speak fluently in Mandarin, i've been speaking a lot in Mandarin till there are times when i feel like i'm starting to forget English. No joke. When i started conversing in English, i tend to forget the vocabulary that i wanted to use to describe somethings. It's also a really good facial exercise.

Thanks to the lil brother, managed to download Planetshaker's latest album "Nothing Is Impossible". I've got to say, it's different. No longer so noisy or more to say less rock-ish. Liking it better this way. Another great album to accompany me studying.

Next week, after finals then have to start packing up to move house. Just thinking about it makes me tired. So many many things! Dies.

Crib

2011-04-29T03:24:00.004+08:00

To be called mine in a month's time.

Looking beyond

2011-04-27T02:57:00.006+08:00

Dreams are meant to stay till it turns into reality.

I still believe. That someday, in the future, i'll be able to do what i truly love.

Regardless of whether i'm good at it or not, that would not be a reason to hinder.

It's like a never ending flight of stairs. It'll only take you higher.

Fall if you may, for with every fall, we go higher and further.

Dreams. It will not be left unpursued.

Internal

2011-04-26T02:05:00.004+08:00

I realised that as much as the noise that i am capable of making, silence is really an important aspect of my life. The serenity of moments without chaotic interruptions is much needed for the soul. Frustrations easily find it's way in through the commotions of life.

Wearing a mask in life is not that difficult. Some of us are so used to it that in the midst of it all, we lose our identity. Questioning ourselves, if we are really who we are now or is there, another soul we called as 'true self' behind it. The difficult part comes when we have to take it off. Detaching the very thing that makes us feel safe and refraining us from being judged by the eyes of another. But does it really? Or are we living in denial? A saying goes, "I'm not living in denial, i'm just selective about the reality." Being selective about reality is itself a lie. There's no choosing of reality in life. It is what it is. It's either you take it and face it, or you fake it and break it.

Paranoid

2011-04-17T12:21:00.004+08:00

I should stop going out at night for some time.

Steady Kath, just be steady.

It begins from where it ends

2011-04-09T01:11:00.005+08:00

Recess Revo and Campus Revo gathering tonight was different. At the end of it, we were asked to pray and listen to what God has to say and what He wants us to do in our schools and colleges or universities. We were divided into our own schools which i don't belong to any in Penang currently. So, i had a choice to either join the SGGS or Disted group. To be honest, Disted didn't even came into mind at that time and i only thought of it as i'm typing this down.

It was just awesome joining hands with the juniors to pray for our school and asking God for practical things that we can do. That feeling is just so unbelievable. I remember how i used to curse it during my own high school years. Being famous for the wrong things and violating half the school rules maybe. I'm proud of my school, i'm proud that i came from the school as well but pride is not love. I don't love the school, the rules, the teachers. Except for friends of course. After i left and that's when things started to change. Then, being unable to do anything for the school after graduating is dissapointing. Something i regretted but knowing that there's no return. And now, having this opportunity to stand with them, pray with them and just speak blessing into the school is just what i've never imagined myself doing. Thank God, for reminding me that it's never too late.

Beautiful eyes or dancing heels?

2011-04-07T20:21:00.005+08:00

I was sitting in the living room this afternoon, forcing myself to study infront of the tv while waiting for Ps Pragas to come pick me up for tea. As you would have guessed, it obviously wasn't the most brilliant idea. I ended up watching tv instead of even taking a glance at my poor notes that's lying on my lap while i comfortably lay down on the sofa. And then i realised, i missed sofa(s). I know, it's like the most random thought ever but it's true. I miss the fact that i can just sit down on the sofa and read my notes, sleep, surf the net and much much more. It's just so difficult to sit down on a chair and proper table to study. It takes very much, and i really do have the need to stress on the MUCH, effort to sit in place for maybe bout 15 minutes or so. Mum always say that i'm like without a backbone, which most probably explains the scoliosis. That's besides the point, then i was reminded about what Nicky told me the night before about the Bible saying 'labour to rest'. Working to rest. That's also besides the point actually, which makes me wonder what exactly is the point here. Alright, this is just pure babbling. Hee. Rusted english. I googled up "That's besides the point" because i was unsure if it was supposed to be "beside or besides". The latter is correct.

I want to go to China but China and me, no good friend. Two times also tak jadi. No good. No jodoh. See you again in the future if there's another opportunity. But right, i'm from China! Why no jodoh? Erhh, nvm, see you China. Then i realised how stupid i was for feeling what i felt for the past one week i supposed. Yes, i'm stupid. Focusing on the wrong thing from the very beginning. One thing after another and it's crazy. I hope this would be the last for now. I've had enough for the last one month or maybe two. Hee. Btw, don't ever watch Sucker Punch unless you're the type who likes futuristic movies. Nice effects but storyline is just ohmgee. Can cry inside the cinema. Oh yeah, i should be studying now. Goodbye.

P/s: I think it must be the curry prawns that's making me crazy tonight.

Dare to believe?

2011-04-04T14:15:00.005+08:00

Messy is the perfect word to describe whatever that i'm feeling inside.

Jesus, you nailed it really. You knew i needed this lesson. You knew that You've got to break me to put me back together, to be stronger. I'm really not sure if this is going to be the right thing to do but, i'm going to have to draw myself back for now. Just for now, hopefully.

~ Would you dare, would you dare to believe? That you still have a reason to sing? Cause the pain that you've been feeling, it can't compare to the joy that's coming.~ Before The Morning by Josh Wilson

When believing is all i've got that this is going to make me a better person, it's not easy.

When believing means i could no longer find a reason to comfort myself, it's not easy.

When believing is about accepting what hurts me, it's not easy.

When believing is confronting and facing the truth, it's not easy.

B.S.A.D.

2011-03-31T00:02:00.009+08:00

Have you ever tried putting about 20 hyperactive girls under one roof?

You should try it if you've not.

My conclusion of the experiment?

Everybody is talking to everybody!

This year's BSAD was different. The brothers started first and we were ushered in with the song 'Belaian Jiwa' played by them. Next, was a dance performance and i've got to say that i had no idea at all that a few of them could actually dance and they were pretty good! Of course we girls kept cheering for them from the start to the end of the dance. Awesome remix of the songs by the brothers as well. The songs blend in so well from one to another. After that, we suddenly had an exam! Guy's methodology or something like that. The purpose is to test how well we know the guys which i think most of us failed because there were no answers to most of the questions. They even fooled us by some typing error and such. Later on, they performed a sketch. It was seriously funny looking at how they dressed up as girls. I actually heard that their practice for the sketch is so random every single time and up till that night itself, the details actually changed. Haha. During sketch, they served us the food and drinks. They made us pita bread filled with chicken/pork, scrambled eggs, cucumber, tomatoes and some vegetables with fruit salad as side dish. We had grape nata de coco for drinks and dessert was ice cream with chocolate cake and biscuit roll kinda thing. Really appreciate their effort yo! They ended with a song performance and then next up, was the girls' turn.

The girls had a theme this year which was 'You are our light'. We ushered them in by helping them wear the glow-in-the-dark sticks as bracelet on their hands. We played some chinese opera song as the background music to purposely make them annoyed and decorated the room with Christmas tree lights. Then, we started off with a sketch inspired by this video here. Halfway through the sketch, we had people acting as loan sharks and some random choir girls dancing and singing around the room. That's following the storyline of our modified sketch of course. The guy character went off to buy ice cream for the girl and when he came back with the ice cream for her, we served all the guys ice cream as well. Then we had Cooking Mama show. It's supposed to teach the guys how to cook, in a very silly way. Then we sabo them by serving them half a french fry and two raisins on each sauce plate from McD and another sauce plate with a toothpick of cubes of bread with cucumbers only. Should have seen their faces when they saw the 'fake food'.

Sorry brothers, we still love you. =)

Then we had an advertisement which is promoting some food and when the delivery was called, we served them the 'real food'. Two hotdogs, salad and potato salad with a cordial of Sprite and Orange. After that, it was followed by games which is the food testing and darts. We ended with a rap song specially composed for the brothers by our very own talented sisters.

At the end of everything, the brothers blindfolded us and brought us to the stairs. Obviously, there were lots and lots of screaming going on through that process. When we finally reached the stairs, they asked us to take off the scarf which they used to blindfold us and walk down the stairs. The sisters did and when we turned the corner, we saw candles lighted up with the words 'We <3 U'. They started singing Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars and then we all joined in as well. To me, it's like reliving the ROC moments. Lastly, we went back to the venue and cleaned up together. Oh by the way, the brothers gave us handmade bookmarks and we gave them handmade calendars. This proves how much we appreciate one another!

By that, my duty has concluded and i really want to thank all who have volunteered or forced to help in one way or another. Thank you for the sacrifice of your time and beauty sleep. You girls did great! I believe the brothers are appreciated. HAHA. Most of all, we wouldn't have done it if its not for Jesus who helps us all! Through....it all. TGBTG! ;p

Burp

2011-03-22T23:49:00.003+08:00

Sunday was fun. Slept till afternoon then went out to Malacca town, hunting for the famous homemade Nyonya kuih place called Baba Charlie. Headed to some kampung and went around it twice. Finally, we met a random aunty walking in the kampung and asked her for directions and realized that we were at the wrong part of town. Had fun taking nearly all the kuihs because they were pretty colourful. Abundance man. Something very amusing happened at midnight. Come to think of it now, i really had no idea why my reaction was like how i reacted. Haha.

BSAD is this coming Monday! And yes hello, i won't be that smart next time. With the schedule that i am having this sem and getting myself to be involved in this is like suicide. It's like my first time doing this in uni as well. Guess some experience back in church in hometown does help. Really, thank God for people who are willing to help. What would i do without you girls? =)

Nippon-koku

2011-03-19T16:44:00.002+08:00

My heart breaks every single time i read the news or see pictures like these.

Up till now, i couldn't bring myself to watch the video of the destruction.

Then today suddenly i was reminded... Japan is one of the 10/40 window countries.

Doo-Wops & Hooligans

2011-03-14T22:01:00.005+08:00

I have a date with him on April 10th.

Can't wait! =)

I'm pretty amazed with myself sometimes at the things which i spend my money on. Next up, it has got to be a new handphone. Saving, saving. Parents are willing to pay for the new phone but i decided that it was my own mistake anyway. Kesian them, shall pay for it on my own. Meanwhile, still thank God for a phone to use although i dislike it much. Haha.

This is the day

2011-03-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

March 11th, 2011.

I just cannot comprehend.

I've been thinking about it whole day and no, i still can't comprehend.

This is crazy!

Your.Thoughts.Ways.Higher.And.Beyond.

Let's uphold Japan in our prayers.

Many precious lives lost. Many have yet to know Jesus.

Every second counts.

We cannot stop- making Him known!

Mission Possible!

2011-03-10T10:30:00.000+08:00

Have been wanting to blog about this for a very long time but i didn't have Trevor with me and was busy going out in Penang as well. Finally, here it is.

Day 1

Traveled at 12.15am to LCCT and reached there about 2am. Roam about for a few hours before our flight which is at 7.15am. By the time we got into the departure hall at 5 plus in the morning, most of us were sleepy already.

The girls with Ps Joanne at LCCT.

Arrived in Miri and we went for lunch. After lunch, spent a few hours in the hotel room preparing our mimes, games and do some little discussions. Then, we managed to get a little rest before meeting up with the parents of a few seniors for dinner.

With the Lukas and Chan family in Miri town.

After dinner, we went to join a church prayer meeting. Was supposed to share about the 7 Pillars of Society but we didn't manage to do that. We prayed for like 2 and a half hours plus. Really trains our endurance and focus while praying. There were like 10 prayer items altogether. We stand all the way through and when it ends, i can feel my leg jelly-fied. It was a great time praying together with the folks there.

Day 2

Depart at 7am to Kampung Ulu Teru which is about 4 hours away from the town. We traveled in three 4-wheel drives which costs us RM1200 which was really unexpected and was not in our budget before the trip. Thankfully, God provides. The roads to the kampung are crazy. It was extremely bumpy. I banged my head many many times against the roof of the car, flew up from the seat although with seat belts on. For the first time, i thought seat belts does help. If it wasn't for the seat belts that kept us in place, we would have been thrown around in the car. Before we left, the church pastor said that there was a team before us who went and they all had carsick. so they asked us to prepare plastic bags in the car. Nobody was car sick though when we arrived. Praise God.

Two little girls in Rumah Kalong.

After our lunch in the long house, we spent the afternoon preparing for the service and kids ministry at night. It was crazily hot. I think i sweat a gallon of water. A really good reminder of how fortunate we are back home. Then after dinner, 5 of us went for service and another 5 for kids ministry. I was in the kids ministry the first night and we had 28 kids with us. It was really fun playing with those little ones and teaching them about God.

After we end the kids ministry, we rushed over to the church in the kampung and helped the other team members. We reached just in time for the altar call and managed to pray for the people there. Everyone prayed like we've never prayed before! God gave us courage and boldness to just go without hesitating and to lay hands and pray for them.

The Tuai Rumah which suffered from pain at the left side of his face and caused him to not be able to sleep at night testified to Philip, our team leader, that he was healed after the prayer and he no longer felt anymore pain. Praise God!

Day 3

Went walking around the kampung and looking at other long houses in the morning. Took us more than 2 hours and we were all so tired after the morning walk. I think we haven't even finish visiting the kampung yet. We city people definitely lack stamina, yo.

This is where they cook.

Caution: May fall anytime.

One of the long house in the kampung. 32 pintu yo.

The team with Tuai Rumah Kalong.

Then we returned to our long house and took some time to prepare for our service and kids ministry on the second night. Okay, this is the crazy part. We went and learn their Iban praise and worship songs in order to connect better with the people there. It was one super crazy thing to do but we managed to do it by the grace of God. After lunch, 10 of us traveled in one 4-wheel drive to another long house which we would be spending a night there, called Rumah John. Pity the guys, they had to stand behind the half open-air truck under the hot sun while the girls got to sit inside.

The team with Pastor, his wife and daughter.

Had a great long talk with the wife. She said that they'll bring the daughter along when they go for house to house ministry even when it's raining or whatsoever and the roads are wet and slippery for this is what God has called them to do and they just enjoy doing it. Trust me, the roads are no joke. It can be really slippery when it rains. When we were on our way back, our 4-wheel drive actually drifted although the sun is shining bright and hot.

At night, managed to share a little something with them and prayed for the people again. This time, managed to get a first-hand experience of witnessing God's miracle in healing. It was just incredible to see God's presence moving in our midst. He uses anybody who is willing. It was not about us but it was all about God.

BY FAITH. IT'S GOOD.

Here we come!

2011-02-21T20:32:00.001+08:00

Beautiful day

2011-02-21T01:52:00.001+08:00

Super random cool stuffs i did today(Sunday):

1. Sent a gift to my daughter.

After such a long time, finally managed to get her something. Didn't get it for her personally but i just can feel the joy knowing that we're able to bless someone. Thank you for your help and making the effort to go there twice.

2. Attended a BM-Hokkien service.

This is really hilarious. The moment i stepped into the church and i heard the Pastor talking, i just could not control myself. I was trying uber hard to stop myself from laughing. And sitting at the second row obviously wasn't much help either. All is cool after about 10 minutes maybe but wow, i've not seen a 81 year old who preached like he did. So full of energy and passion. Salute!

3. Pierced my ear.

I just hope that nobody that i know was there at that moment. The whole scenario was just funny. One looked as if she was going to cry with tears filling her eyes and her face red, and the other talking extremely loud as if she owns the whole shop to distract herself. It was a quite a scene.

Off to mission trip in Miri, Sarawak on Tuesday morning but will begin our journey to LCCT on Monday midnight. I'm truly excited to see and experience what God is going to do. I don't know what to expect physically but spiritually, i'm expecting God to move in that place. Appreciate it if you could spare some time to cover us in your prayers. 18 of us will be leaving together. 10 to Miri and 8 to Bintulu, Sarawak. We'll come back together as well on Saturday. So, till then readers.

Thursday

2011-02-17T22:03:00.004+08:00

14th of Feb

2011-02-14T20:47:00.004+08:00

Valentine's dinner at Sunway Pyramid.

After the Engineering Mechanics paper which crushed my hope, i went and met up with my sister for lunch. Halfway through our lunch, i spontaneously told her, "I think i want to go to KL, i follow you back later okay?" Then at 5.30pm, i found myself in one of the busiest town. I needed to go somewhere else rather than facing the four walls in my room after a horrible morning. I've never went into exam hall, open up the question paper and not knowing how to do a single question at all. Yes, it's that bad. When we passed up our paper, my friend sitting next to me literally said out loud, "F*** the paper!" With all that I am at that moment, i could only smile. Then my housemate looked at me and literally her eyes were filled with tears. I just said, its okay. What's done is done. Got to move on. Some said, exam is just part of life. It's true. But when our results weighs so much in our education system, the pressure is immense. Finished four papers and i have one last paper to go on Friday. Smile and still praise God, am not going to give in to my emotions just yet. :)

The devotion i read this morning written by Mike Whittmer says this, Jonathan Edwards explained that we truly love another person only if we love them first in God. Any love that doesn’t begin with God is actually a form of selfishness. And it really kept me pondering the whole day. 1 John 5:2 says this- This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. Have you ever wondered how and in order to love someone, we need to love someone else first? I know it sounds crazy but this is the truth. For us to love someone, including ourselves, we need to experience God's love. If we didn't experience His love, how do we know what love is? Then, love Him first. If we do not know how to love the One who created the heaven and earth and who sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for us, how then will we be able to love ourselves and others who are imperfect?It has to begin with God. Simply because... God is Love.